


Missing piece

by Orangepenguin24



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26615050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orangepenguin24/pseuds/Orangepenguin24
Summary: Kelly and Stella are stuck in a horrific nightmare. Four year’s ago they lost a piece of their family but nobody could tell them why.
Relationships: Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide
Comments: 20
Kudos: 33





	1. Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I hope you enjoy this story.
> 
> It’s a short story idea I couldn’t shake.
> 
> This may seem like my other story Sunshine but I promise it isn’t. It has a few similarities but they’re quite different. 
> 
> Please enjoy, comments and advice greatly appreciated.
> 
> Trigger warnings at end of chapter.

Kelly stared at the pile of paper work on his desk, he’d been in his office for over an hour but was yet to write a single word. Every second felt more like an hour and there was a dull ache in his chest. He hated this day, every time this day passed it felt like a stab in the heart. One more year with a huge piece of him missing. One more year of reminding himself how he failed. A gentle knock at the door pulled his attention away from the numerous files in front of him. He knew Boden wouldn’t expect him to get anything done anyway but he hadn’t been able to stomach sitting in the common room. He knew everyone meant well but their solemn expressions intensified the aching in his heart.  
“Come in” he called in the steadiest tone he could manage , a few seconds later the door swung open revealing Stella and Kelly instantly felt himself relax. Stella knew how much this day hurt him, she was the one person he didn’t mind being around right now. She was his rock, he still loved her just as much as he did the day he married her.  
“Hey” she greeted with a soft smile, there was no point in her asking how he was they both knew what the answer would be.  
“How’s your shift been?” He asked his voice weighed down by tiredness.  
“Busy”,  
“Heard you had a couple of difficult calls” responded Kelly. When Stella leapt into a recount of her day he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders , listening to her talk helped ease the thoughts spinning around his head. He just needed to get through this day then he’d be ok.

-

When he heard another knock on the door he was sat on his bed with Stella laying in his arms.  
“Who is it?” Asked Kelly as Stella gently eased herself out of his embrace. Kelly sighed at the loss of comfort but instantly softened when a young girl with dark hair opened the door.  
“Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?” questioned Kelly as the teen flashed him a smile.  
“Uncle matt said you were in here” she replied softly as she dropped her school bag down on the floor.  
“Nice try. I meant at the firehouse, Last I checked you’re supposed to be in school ” Kelly responded with a smirk, he wasn’t mad at her for skipping he knew this day was just as hard for her. She was nine years old when their lives changed; she’d matured a lot since then, which was something that filled Kelly with guilt. Lily had grown up way too fast, she’d lost a big part of her childhood to grief and sadness. Kelly tried his best to be there for her , to make sure she knew she was loved but he was aware that he had made a lot of mistakes. Kelly knew he was extremely over protective of her but often missed the things she cared about. He struggled attending her sporting events and doing things like fishing, they just brought back too many painful memories.  
Even holidays were extremely difficult; they tried their best to remain upbeat for Lily but celebrations weren’t the same anymore. He’d tried his best to protect her innocence but he knew that without Stella Lily would be the one looking after him.  
“I wanted to come and see you” Lily responded as she looked down at her feet sheepishly. The girl prided herself on being strong but Kelly knew deep down she was the same little girl who used to love sitting in the squad engine and sounding the sirens.  
“Come here” beckoned Kelly as he gently patted the bed. The girl dropped down next to him and allowed her parents to pull her into a hug.  
“I hate this day”Lily breathed after a moment as tears began to stream down her face.  
“Me too” Kelly replied as he gently rubbed her back. And he could hear Stella whispering reassurances in their daughters ear. But he knew nothing they said would get rid of the agony in their hearts, because four years ago they lost a piece of their family.  
“I want Bailey back” sobbed Lily and Kelly felt his heart clench as the girl spoke the words they were all thinking. 

Bailey was born during the darkest time of Kelly’s life but with him he brought nothing but light and happiness. He was the result of Kelly’s very brief marriage with Brittany after the tragic loss of Shay. Kelly was far from the perfect dad but he did everything he could to show Bailey how much he was loved. And when Kidd came into their lives she loved Bailey as if he was her own; the little boy had always trusted her too. Kelly felt like the luckiest man in earth because after Bailey was born he was concerned about dating, he was terrified of ending up like his dad. But he vowed never to choose anyone else over his son. When Stella came into his life he fell in love with instantly, but it was when she interacted with Bailey he realised she was the only person for him. She never treated the boy as a burden, she completely understood that Kelly and Bailey were a package deal. She never showed the boy anything but warmth and compassions. Bailey was six years old when Kelly and Stella tied the knot; less than a year later Lily was born and their little family was complete. 

Bailey had always been a laid back kid. Even though he had to move between households weekly he never once complained. He was a really smart kid too, not book smart but he was incredible at reading people. He seemed to thrive around other people in a way that reminded Kelly of Andy. He was a cheeky and had a heart of gold just like Kelly’s childhood best friend. When Brittany married a mechanic named Danny who had two younger boys Bailey instantly took them under his wing. Kelly didn’t think there was another person on earth who fit the older brother roll better than Bailey. The boy cared for everyone and he did it so effortlessly, he remembered the few fishing trips they took after a rough shift. Sometimes Bailey would recite stories about his week but other times he’d remain completely silent, the boy always seemed to know whether Kelly needed a distraction or just somebody to sit with him. Kelly now realised he’d taken the boy for granted. He should’ve been looking out Bailey not the other way round. He was just as bad as Benny.

Despite sharing custody of Bailey with Brittany Kelly still had a strong bond with the teen. When he was at Brittany’s house he’d ring a few times during the week and occasionally he’d stop by the firehouse. Bailey used to enjoy beating Capp at poker but he hadn’t quite worked out how to beat Tony. Sometimes they even let Bailey cook with heavy supervision from Matt. Kelly’s sister Katie used to teach Bailey new recipes and the teen enjoyed trying them out but it didn’t always go to plan, there had been quite a few times when they’d ended up ordering take out instead. However no one ever complained about the boys presence, he always brightened up their day. And it helped that Boden had a soft spot for the teen, after losing Benny Boden had become a surrogate grandparent for the teen.  
The firehouse had been a big help to Kelly when he found himself a first time dad. Which was why Bailey had always seen fifty one as his family. The firehouse hadn’t been the same since his disappearance. Kelly knew Boden still kept a photo of the boy in his office from the time they all went fishing together. Bailey used to love going on trips with Matt, Kelly and Boden, they were hoping to go on either more adventures as the boy got older.  
Kelly knew Matt still had the drawing Bailey made when he was six years old and proclaimed he was going to be on truck when he grew up. Tony and Capp never played cards anymore preferring to do something else to pass the time. And they never cooked lasagna in the firehouse, the dish had been Baileys specialty as it was the one dish he could never do wrong. The four years that had passed since Bailey’s disappearance did nothing to ease the pain they were all still tormented by. 

“Do you think, do you think he’s still out there?” Asked lily after a few moments and Kelly instinctively pulled his daughter closer.  
“I don’t know” he admitted after a while trying his best to keep his tone steady. Nobody knew whether the boy was alive or dead, nobody knew anything. They didn’t even know why Bailey had disappeared, it was a question that played on Kelly’s mind every second of every day.

Late at night he often found himself going through their last few weeks together. How could he have not seen something was wrong. Bailey had started acting differently but Kelly had assumed it was just a sign of him getting older. When he mentioned it to his mother she’d responded with tales about Kelly’s youth and assured him it was normal. The teen had become increasingly quiet, his best friend Nate stopped coming over and his grades began to slip. But Kelly had continued to brush it off assuming it was just average teenage behaviour. But then Bailey quit baseball, Stella assured him it was because Bailey was growing and choosing his own path, but it didn’t sit right with Kelly. It wasn’t that he wanted Bailey to play baseball it was that for years the teen had lived and breathed the sport, it was all he ever wanted to do. Even when he broke his arm one year he attended ever single practice and game. He’d rewatch old games and the rest of his time practicing on his pitching . Kelly knew you couldn’t fake that sort of passion. Before Kelly could start to find out what was bothering the boy disaster struck.

There’d been a really bad house fire which had trapped a young family inside. Stella refused to leave without a young girl who was trapped, she’d managed to get her out safely but it almost her her life. It took her a few weeks to recover and the incident had left them rattled. Kelly’s memory of the first week Stella spent in hospital was mostly a blur but there was one thing he remembered. It was the first time he returned home after the accident , Boden had finally persuaded him to leave Stella for a few hours. When Kelly arrived home Matt was sat on the sofa half asleep, he’d been looking after the children for the past few days. When Kelly asked about his kids Matt pointed in the direction of Lily’s room. 

Gently he opened the bedroom door and he felt his heart twinge at the sight he was met with. His two children were tucked underneath a thick bright pink duvet, Lily was fast asleep with Baileys arms wrapped tightly around her. Before Kelly could leave a gentle voice stopped him in his tracks.  
“Is Stella going to be alright?”, at his sons fearful words Kelly crossed the room and slowly knelt down next to the bed.  
“She’s going to pull through buddy” assured Kelly as he tenderly patted the boys arm.  
“Good, I don’t want to lose her” croaked the boy. Tenderly Kelly wiped away a stray tear that was rolling down the boy’s cheek.  
“It’s going to be alright Bailey, she’ll be back in action before you know it” he promised before planting a kiss on the boys head.  
The incident had effected them all but looking back Kelly realised how badly it had shaken his eldest. Bailey had stayed with them an extra week after the accident and even rejoined the baseball team. Everything seemed to get back normal; Kelly believed everything was going to be alright. 

Then one day Kelly and Stella went out for the night and Lily spent the night at a friends leaving Bailey alone. They didn’t mind leaving Bailey on his own after all he was sixteen and Kelly believed he could probably do with a night of peace and quiet. Lily was quite an excitable kid and she was anything but calm, and back at his Brittany’s house there were two younger boys who were extremely mischievous, it wasn’t a surprise that Bailey wanted a night alone. Kelly and Stella had a wonderful night, not once worrying about the teen they left at home. When they returned at midnight there was no sign of Bailey. They remained calm at first, they rang Nate and then Brittany to see if the boy was with one of them but Bailey wasn’t with either them . They kept a level head and contacted everyone they could think of Matt, Boden and even Voight but no one had seen the teen. The next day their fear intensified when Stella realised her pain medication had disappeared. A recently refilled bottle of pain killers was unaccounted for but Kelly refused to consider what everyone else was thinking, Bailey wouldn’t do that he kept insisting. Frantically he searched the entire apartment to ensure it hadn’t been misplaced but just like Bailey they were there was no trace of them.

It had been four years since that dreaded day and Kelly’s heart was still beating violently in his chest, and there was a permanent knot in his stomach. He’d never feel calm again until he knew where his son was.

-

Later that day Kelly found himself sitting at the dinner table picking at the pizza placed in the middle of the table. Boden had sent him and Kidd home after deciding they wouldn’t be much use and surprisingly Kelly agreed. He knew they weren’t thinking straight and besides Lily needed them at home. It was the first time their shift had fallen on the anniversary and they had thought they would be able to cope. But the day had only confirmed that there wounds hadn’t even started to heal. 

They ate dinner in silence, normally they would make an effort to keep up a steady conversation but on days like this it was virtually impossible. The apartment always felt quiet, even though Bailey hadn’t stayed with them all the time his absence was felt every single day. Sometimes Kelly caught Lily in his room, she’d pull on one of Baileys old jumpers just to feel to closer to him. Some days he’d find Stella stood in the hallway staring at the coatrack where one of Bailey’s old jackets still hung and a pair of his trainers had been left in a heap on the floor. One of Bailey’s books was still lying on the shelf in the kitchen, he’d dogged eared the pages despite them buying him book mark after book mark, it was taking up space but none of them had the strength to move it. If anyone entered the flat they wouldn’t be able to tell Bailey had been missing for four years. Many people thought they were living in denial but Kelly would never give up hope that they’d find Bailey. He would never give up on his little boy.


	2. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don’t always get the answers you wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!

Slowly Lily made her way back to the apartment hoping this weekend would be better than the last. It had been three weeks since the fourth anniversary of Bailey’s disappearance and as per usual the somber feeling had spread over the entire month. No matter where they went they couldn’t escape that horrible feeling of deep longing. The house always felt empty and whenever they went anywhere else they were plagued by guilt. It didn’t feel right having a good time when they didn’t have a clue what sort of life Bailey was living, if he was living at all. Her parents tried their best to carry on as normal but she understood how difficult it was. It was impossible to move on when they didn’t know what happened to Bailey. Sometimes she wondered if things would have been easier if they’d found a body; she would do anything for Bailey to be alive but as time went on it seemed less likely. Especially after she overheard her parents talking one night about a missing pill bottle, it hadn’t been a huge shock as she’d always sensed there was something they weren’t telling her. She didn’t blame them for keeping it a secret in fact she often wished she’d never found out. Bailey was her cheerful older brother who used to build forts with her in the living room even after starting high school. And when they staying at her fathers the cabin he would wake her up in the middle of the night and take her outside to see the stars, he’d tell her the names on constellations and make up little stories about the stars. He was always so full of joy and life. It was difficult to imagine the happiest person she’d ever known in so much pain.

On the days when her dad would barely utter a single word and her mom would spend all day crying, she found herself filled with anger and resentment. Why didn’t Bailey say goodbye? Didn’t he love them enough to give them answers? She absolutely despised herself for feeling that way but some days it’s all she felt, and all she wanted to do was scream until her throat was raw or to break something into a million pieces. But a few months ago she learnt she wasn’t the only one who felt that way. 

Her dad had picked her up from swim practice and taken her out for ice cream just like he used to with Bailey after baseball. They had been sitting on a park bench when she found her gaze fixed on two children running around the nearby park. She couldn’t help but think about when that was her and Bailey, he’d chase her around for hours and he’d push her on the swings until his arms felt like they were going to drop off, much to her parents chagrin he even taught her how to climb the trees on the outskirts of the playground. Lily always knew she was lucky to have a big brother who enjoyed spending so much time with her, She just never realised how lucky until she lost him.  
“I’m mad at him” spit out Lily regretting the words as soon as they left her mouth.  
“Who?” asked Kelly confused by her random statement. Lily remained quiet not wanting to confess how she was feeling, she didn’t want her dad to be ashamed of her.  
“Who Lily?” He repeated his gentle tone making her guilt intensify. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears and it grew louder and louder every second until she felt like her head was going to explode.  
“Bailey” she blurted out regretting it as soon as word name left her mouth.  
“Does that make me a horrible person?”she croaked out, Kelly didn’t pause even for a second he instantly pulled Lily into a warm hug.  
“No kiddo not at all, it’s ok” he soothed his warm voice easing the pain in her heart. With her fathers gentle reassurances she found herself letting out everything that had weighing on her mind for a very long time.  
“I love him but why he didn’t say goodbye?” She yelled looking up at her farther with sorrow filled eyes. As she continued to talk her anger increased until she found herself shaking with rage.  
“Couldn't he have given us a stupid phone call or at least left a letter, he could’ve done something to tell us why we weren’t enough”,  
“Didn’t we deserve that?” she screamed staring out into the distance as if somehow Bailey could hear her. She was well aware other people were staring but she didn’t care anymore.  
“Shh it’s ok, I get mad too sometimes”  
“You do?” She questioned disbelief lacing her words. Her father did his best to keep his emotions to himself. He was often quiet and withdrawn; on his worst day’s he barely spoke to anyone and there was always a heaviness in his tone that never used to be there before, but he always did his best to keep his cool in front of her.  
“Yeah and so does Brittany, Matt and even your mom”,  
“What do you do? When you feel .... like all you want to do is break something”,  
“I used to do silly things like getting into fights and other bad stuff”,  
“But now?”  
“I learnt to talk to your mom, or your uncle Matt. You don’t talk to us anymore Lily. It’s ok I understand but you need to talk to someone, you can’t carry all this on your own kiddo” as he spoke he delicately rubbed her back helping her breathing to even out, she hadn’t realised she’d started hyperventilating.  
“But know this I may not know why Bailey left but I do know he loved you Lily. Maybe that’s why he didn’t say goodbye because he knew it would be too hard”. The girl stayed silent as she soaked in his comforting word, she always felt safe in his embrace.  
“I love you Lily and you make me proud everyday”.

-

When Lily turned onto her street she noticed a familiar truck parked outside, a smile appeared on her face as she sped up her pace and headed into her apartment building. If Matt was visiting maybe the night wouldn’t be too bad. She knew he also struggled during this time of year but not nearly as bad as her dad. Admittedly Bailey was a lot closer to Matt than she was, but that wasn’t really a surprise. After all Matt had been a big help raising Bailey before her mom came into the picture. But that wasn’t saying Lily didn’t have a strong bond with Matt. He and Sylvie used to take her out on day trips in the early days of Bailey’s disappearance. Now whenever her parents were struggling she tended to stay the night and the two blonde’s would attend the events her parents couldn’t stomach. She understood why her dad could never watch her swimming competitions or volleyball matches, they brought back memories of Bailey and baseball. The sport haunted her father as he was positive Bailey quitting baseball had some link to his disappearance, he constantly berated himself for not seeing that something was wrong. Matt had once explained to her that Kelly was terrified of putting pressure on her by showing too much enthusiasm, and whenever he sat in the stands Kelly found himself analysing everything until he felt like he was going to be sick. Therefore Matt and Sylvie always made sure they showed up to support her; her parents did different things to show their support like taking her fishing or playing board games once a week. They used to have family film night but it felt wrong without Bailey, however the boy had resented board games hence why that became their Saturday night entertainment, 

Even after Sylvie and Matt had a child of their own they never turned their backs on her. In fact ever since the birth of Sammy Matt did his very best to make sure she never slipped away, she was very similar to Kelly in the way she often secluded herself when battling with her feelings. She remembered how surprised she was when she saw Matt in the stands during her first swimming competition after Sammy was born, that was when Matt promised her that no matter what happened he’d always be there for her. Sammy was Matt and Sylvie’s gorgeous little boy who at first Lily had done her to best to avoid, not because she was jealous. No in fact she adored the little boy but she had feared people would see it as her trying to replace Bailey. Until one day her father sat her down and gently asked why she was avoiding Matt and Sammy. She remembered his words clear as day after she’d admitted her worries,  
“No one will ever replace Bailey, but you can’t close your self off from everyone else you have a wonderful kind heart, Bailey would want you to spread that kindness” . Since then she’d taken a shining to Sammy who was now a mischievous two year old. If they were spending time with the Casey’s there was a high chance this weekend would be brighter.

However Lily felt all her hope slip away as she opened the door, the room was so quiet you could a hear a pin drop. Matt was knelt down on the floor cleaning something up and her parents were nowhere to be seen. As she stepped closer towards her uncle confusion flashed across her face. Matt was picking up the pieces of a broken photo frame, a few specks stained the photo. She recognised it as one of the most recent photographs they had of Bailey. She could tell because of his cropped hair. Bailey used to have thick brown hair that stuck up in different directions no matter what they did but that was the way he’d always liked it. Until a few months before he disappeared when he’d buzzed it all off reasoning that it would be easier to maintain. Brittany had been devastated and Lily believed her father had been too but he’d pretended for Bailey’s sake. The photo was of Bailey and his baseball team, but now she looked closely at it she noticed for the first time that her brothers smile was forced. She couldn’t understand why as she was pretty sure the photo was taken after a really successful game. Bailey had loved baseball more than anything and he was also incredibly good at pitching. Lots of people believed Bailey had a bright future in the world of baseball especially his coach. Everybody knew Bailey was his favourite player, but no one was surprised because Bailey was well Bailey, his cheerfulness and easy going nature attracted people like a moth to a flame. Everybody loved him. 

Lily couldn’t understand how the photo got broken, anything relating to Bailey whether it was a photograph or an old reading book was treated like a priceless artefact by her parents. Not that she minded she actually felt comforted by all the reminders dotted around the house and station fifty one. In fact she hated visiting new places, places devoid of any trace of Bailey. But she knew not everybody took comfort in constant reminders, Bailey’s mother Brittany was a prime example. Lily used to go over there sometimes and not just because of Bailey. One of Bailey’s step brothers George was only a few months older than her and they had become good friends. After Bailey went missing Brittany didn’t want her around anymore, apparently she reminded her of Bailey too much. But Lily never understood how, her hair was much darker than her brothers; Bailey resembled their father where as Lily had always looked like a younger version of her mother. She missed visiting George but she respected Brittany’s wish. Even her father only saw Brittany once or twice a year, there wasn’t really a reason for them to keep in touch anymore. 

“What happened?” She inquired softly as she bent down next to Matt. The man paused for a few seconds before turning towards her and giving her a sad smile, it was then she realised he’d be crying. A lump formed in her throat as numerous scenarios flashed through her head.  
“it’s been a tough day” whispered the firefighter finally breaking his silence.  
“Are mum and dad ok?”, Matt stopped again and stared down at the shatter frame in front of him before casting a glance towards the bathroom.  
“Not really Lily, I think it going to a rough night for them, would you like to come over and stay with me and Sylvie?” Matt asked softly but despite his warm tone she knew it wasn’t really a question, she’d been expecting it as soon as she stepped through the door. Her parents always tried their best to shield her from the worst of things. She could tell it was going to be impossible for them to conceal their feelings tonight. Now she was closer to the hallway she could hear the sound of hushed voices coming from the bathroom.  
“Ok, I guess I better go get my things” she responded softly before padding towards her room careful not to tread on the remnants of the picture frame. Lily stopped in her tracks when she heard Matt calling her name,  
“Lily everything is going to be ok” he promised and she nodded before looking towards the bathroom again, the door had been left open enough for her too see both of her parents. As she took in the sight a shiver ran down her spine. She could hear her mom speaking softly to her dad as she wrapped what looked like a white bandage around his hand. For the first time in her life she wasn’t so sure she believed Matt’s words.Something really terrible must have happened for her father to destroy a photo of Bailey.

Mechanically she began stuffing a few of her things into her bag, she didn’t need to take much stuff with her as she already had quite a few belongings at the Casey household. Sylvie had once told her that they didn’t really have a guest room it was Lily’s room, it was her sanctuary. Lastly she opened her closet and reached under a pile of old clothes and picked up a small brown bear clad in a firefighter’s outfit, Bailey’s old teddy bear. As she got older she had gotten more and more attached to Bailey, she used to hate it when he went back to his mother’s. She’d cling onto his leg and beg for him to stay, so one day before he left he retrieved his beloved bear Bruno and handed it to her. He told her that the bear was magic and whenever she hugged Bruno he’d feel it too. Normally she kept the bear hidden safely in her closet but today she was desperate to be to close to brother, and Bruno was the closest she could get. 

Lily knew she wasn’t the only one who seeked comfort from Bailey’s possessions , her father kept Bailey’s old baby blanket in his office at fifty one. She’d found it when she’d been told to stay there after getting in trouble at school.shed been searching for something to do when she came across the pale blue blanket. The corner’s had been chewed and the pale blue pattern had begun to fade but the embroidered lettering was still immaculate. Lily wasn’t surprised after all the stitching had been added by Cindy Hermann. Most importantly the blanket still smelt of Bailey but there was another scent latching onto it, her fathers. Lily was pulled out of her thoughts by a shaky voice,  
“Bruno”. Lily turned to see her mom standing in the door way. Her heart clenched as she took in her mother’s appearance, Stella’s eyes were red and puffy; her body was stiff with tension. Lily gave her mom a small smile as she offered out the bear which her mom tentatively took. The young girl watched with a heavy heart as her mom hugged the bear tightly to her chest. It was always difficult to see her mom in so much pain. She was the strongest person Lily knew and seeing her so fragile was an extremely rare occurrence. Stella gave the bear one last squeeze before straightening the bears helmet and delicately placing Bruno inside Lily’s back pack. The teen then slung the bag over her shoulder just before her mom pulled her into a warm embrace.  
“I love you Lily”, automatically she leaned in closer and murmured into her mother’s shoulder.  
“Love you too Mom”,  
“Sorry about this Lily its just, here isn’t a great place for you to be right now”,  
“Mom what’s going on?”  
“I promise we’ll explain when you come back, just not tonight” Stella finished her tone becoming increasingly quieter and more distant, as if she was running out of energy. 

Once they broke apart shuffled out of her bedroom, immediately she noticed her father sitting at the dining room table staring emptily at the table. She took Matt’s position by the door as a sign to leave her father alone. Hesitantly Lily headed towards the door when wordlessly Kelly rose out of his chair and pulled her into a hug just like her mother did. But unlike Stella Kelly didn’t utter a single word he just held her tight. They stood there for a long time soaking in each other’s warmth but to Lily it still didn’t feel like long enough. As she cast one glance at her parents before being guided out of the apartment by Matt. Her limbs felt heavy and every inch felt more like a mile, she didn’t want to leave. She needed to know what was going on. She had a feeling that her parents finally had answers, and whatever they were they seemed to only cause more pain. Despite the hell they’d already been through it was nothing compared to the agony the next few months were going to bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Any criticism welcome.
> 
> Have a brilliant day.


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the Severides suffers through another long lonely night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter, it’s not the one I planned. This chapter was supposed to come later on but I actually thought it fitted quite well here instead.
> 
> Any criticism welcome. 
> 
> Tw- sexual abuse, mentions of drug overdose, low self esteem, possibly hints of suicide, homelessness.

The low light of an old television illuminated the living room of a small dingy apartment. The gentle hum of the tv floated through the otherwise quiet room. Due to the late hour the volume had been turned down low to avoid disturbing the neighbours. But the noise was enough to make the occupant feel less alone. There was a coldness clinging in the air that the old boiler did nothing to remedy. But Bailey considered himself lucky enough to have a roof over his head. He was curled up on the sofa, a thick blanket was draped over his shoulders in an attempt to prevent himself from freezing. Tears streamed down his face as he exhaled shakily. On long nights like this the loneliness in his heart felt unbearable. The emptiness of the humble apartment did nothing to comfort him; the flat was devoid of any character. As He didn’t have many things, only a few items of furniture and an old photograph. The picture had been one he’d found on the internet and printed off in the local library. His parents weren’t big fans of social media but after a week of searching he had managed to find a photo of him and his dad at one of the CFD picnics. Unfortunately he’d been unable to find any photos of his mother or even his step brothers. 

“I’m sorry” Bailey whispered softly as he gazed down at his fathers smiling face, he missed his dad. He missed the long summer days they’d spend fishing or working on one of his boat projects, he missed his conversations with his mom first thing in the morning, he missed helping he with breakfast, he even missed playing dolls with Lily. He missed his family.

But he could never go back, he wasn’t the person they loved. He was damaged. He could still feel hands pinning him down, the sensation of someone’s breath grazing his neck, the feeling of someone touching him. He should’ve fought back harder, he should’ve done more. Instead he ran away like a coward. As his thoughts continued to rampage round his head the walls began to close on him. The sound of the tv became even more muffled and a cold shiver crept down his spine. Clumsily he scrubbed at the tears staining his face before pushing himself up off the sofa. He shivered at the loss of heat the fluffy blanket provided and sprinted into the bathroom. He promptly emptied the contents of his stomach into the foil before collapsing onto the floor. He laid there for a little while before stripping off his clothes and jumping in the shower. He was well aware that three in the morning was an odd time to have a shower but he was desperate. He needed the feeling of hands touching him to stop. In the past the feeling of hot water spraying over him had helped ease his panic ; as there was no hot water he supposed a cold shower was good enough. He allowed the ice cold water to cascade over him until his skin began to sting, but even then he was reluctant to leave the shower. His thoughts had finally begun to settle down but he knew as soon as he returned to the living room his thoughts would intensify again. Deciding against spending another night staring blankly at the tv he quickly threw on a set of clothes, they didn’t fit him very well, the hoodie dwarfed his slender frame and the jeans barely stayed up but they were good enough. He switched off the tv before heading out of the apartment his body moving on autopilot. Bailey wasn’t even sure if he remembered to lock the door. 

Bailey walked for as long as it took the pounding in his chest to settle. This wasn’t a one off occurrence he often found himself wandering around aimlessly whenever he was unable to sleep. It was better than suffocating in the loneliness of the apartment. After a year of sleeping on the streets walking alone at night no longer scared him. It wasn’t that he was stronger or braver now, it was simply that he no longer cared. It was hard to fear for your life when you put very little value on it. Despite what anyone else would think Bailey was ok, he was in better place mentally than he was when he left Chicago four years ago. He had a job working at a local garage and he had a roof over his head; he supposed there wasn’t much more he could really ask for. After all he didn’t deserve anything better. 

It wasn’t until he was startled by the loud sound of a bus he realised where he was. It seemed that no matter how long he walked for he always found himself reaching the bus station eventually. Every time the young man found himself standing outside the familiar building he contemplated going inside and getting on the first bus to Chicago, it wasn’t like he had many people to say goodbye to anyway. The people at his job wouldn’t miss him and as for his neighbours he doubted they would even noticed his absence . The only person that did truly care about him had been trying to persuade to go home for years. But in the end Bailey always found himself heading back to his apartment feeling even worse than before. He’d do anything to return to his old life but the truth was it ended a long time ago. He’d messed everything up, his family would’ve moved on by now ; returning would only cause them more pain. Bailey made his decision and he had to live with it. He knew his family would never want him back, he was too broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry that so far there hasn’t been much of Kelly and Stella, that’s going to change. 
> 
> Please let me know if this chapter was confusing. Any advice welcome. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Spoiler-
> 
> Bailey will reunite with his family.


	4. I failed him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelly and Stella are reeling from the answers they’ve found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a short chapter.  
> Please tell me if there are any big mistakes, I had some free time so I managed to write this quickly but it is a little rushed.
> 
> TW- mentions of sexual abuse.
> 
> Thank you for reading.

Two hours had passed since Lily and Matt had left and Kelly was still staring numbly at the kitchen table, he hadn’t said a word since they’d returned home twenty minutes before Lily arrived. Instead choosing to send his fist hurdling into the photo frame. Over the years he’d learnt how to manage his feelings instead of resorting to drink and violence but the events of the day had made him snap. Stella didn’t know how to comfort her husband, she didn’t think there was anything she could say to make things better . She was still trying to process everything herself, it wasn’t that it didn’t make sense it was that she didn’t want it to. It couldn’t be true. She didn’t want to believe that the boy who desperately wanted to eat pancakes for every meal had been in so much pain. 

The day had started off bleak but somehow they had been functioning as normal. Four years of enduring emotional torture while caring for Lily had taught them how to keep going even on their darkest days. But the day had gotten even worse when they received a phone call from Voight . A call from the sergeant wasn’t unusual, he’d become an unlikely friend over the years. He’d been a shoulder to cry on, someone who understood how it felt to loose a child. As soon as he asked them to come down the station a had shiver ran down Stella’s spine. Normally Voight visited the apartment whenever he had something to say regarding Bailey’s disappearance. Which was how Stella knew that whatever the sergeant had to say it wasn’t good. But she hadn’t allowed her mind to wander, she hadn’t been ready to entertain the idea that maybe Bailey’s body had been found. The sympathetic looks of the detectives they passed on their way in did nothing to settle her nerves. Before she entered Voight’s office she hadn’t thought it was possible for their workd to darken even more. But as she listened to Voight’s words she’d felt all the light and hope vanish from her heart. The person Bailey idolised had abused him. A man they had trusted had caused Bailey immense pain. Even now Stella's heart was still beating rapidly in her throat. The things they were told would haunt them forever. She’d never forget the images they’d seen, she would never forget how badly Bailey had been hurt. Because Bailey was her son too; it wasn’t Lily who made her a mother. It was their job to protect the boy and they failed. How did they not notice what was going on? If the monster hadn’t filmed it they would never have found out. They’d been completely oblivious to the pain Bailey had been suffering.

-  
After an evening spent in silence the two distraught parents found themselves lying wide awake in bed staring up at the ceiling. Stella had been focusing on the steady sound of her husband breathing for a few hours, it was the only thing that drowned out her thoughts. They’d originally tried watching tv but everything had reminded them of Bailey in some way, whether it was a young boy in CSI or a documentary about Bailey’s favourite animal -sloths- on the discovery channel. Going to bed seemed better than sitting in the couch in silence, but after lying awake for hours Stella was starting to doubt their decision. 

All of the sudden she was pulled out of her thoughts by Kelly jumping out of the bed,  
“I can’t do this” the dark haired man muttered before rushing out of the room. Stella followed close behind her heart racing as she contemplated the meaning of the man’s words. When she reached the kitchen Kelly was already searching through the cupboards underneath the sink. Confusion washed over Stella when Kelly pulled out a trash bag. She watched numbly as the firefighter marched towards Bailey’s room tearing the boy’s old baseball photos off the wall on his way.  
“Kelly!” Called Kidd desperately but the man ignored her and proceeded into the teens old room. She was afraid he would do something irreversible that he would regret when he calmed down. But Kelly was too caught up in his anger to listen. Severide wasted no time in searching through Bailey’s stuff and disposing of anything baseball related, which Stella now realised was most of the boys belongings. Awkwardly she stood in the doorway with tears streaming down her face as she watched Bailey’s old things being shoved unceremoniously into the black bag. For so long the room had remained virtually untouched at Kelly’s insistence , the space had been treated like sacred ground but now Kelly was ripping it to pieces. Despite her initial shock Stella understood her partners actions. He was cleansing the room of any trace of the sport that had taken their son from them. 

By the time Kelly was finished the only personal items left were a few family photos and Bailey’s school stuff, baseball really had been the teens entire life. It was the one thing he’d loved and it had destroyed him. The devastated man took a step back and looked around the empty room.  
“Shit!” Gasped Kelly as he took in his destruction. Stella watched through tears as Kelly dropped the bag before collapsing down in a heap on the floor next to it. This was the worst she’d ever seen him ; her heart ached as she realised there was nothing she could do or say to take away her husbands pain. Delicately Stella pulled the broken man into a hug,  
“I’m his father, I was supposed to keep him safe”, Kelly’s cries sliced through the cold air like a knife. Stella felt completely helpless as she felt Kelly’s body shaking with heart wrenching sobs. She gently shushed him while rubbing circles on his back in a desperate attempt to soothe him, she knew it wouldn’t ease his agony but at least it would remind him he wasn’t alone. She listened with a broken heart as the man sobbed,  
“I failed him, I failed my boy”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a sad chapter the next few will be.  
> But this story isn’t going to have a sad ending.  
> Bailey and Kelly will reunite, I just don’t want to rush it.
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Have a good day.


	5. A rough few months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lives of the Severides are spiralling out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW- self harm, sexual abuse, Swearing, mentions of suicide. (Bailey won’t die in this story)
> 
> Please enjoy, this chapter was difficult to write, it felt quite clunky. I hope it’s ok now and that I managed to edit out most of the mistakes. 
> 
> Please let me know if I need to add any more trigger warnings.

The next few months were hell. The case of Bailey’s old baseball Coach Jackson Fowler went to court and the entire process was miserable. Neither Kelly or Stella attended the trial they tired to but the idea of listening to the heart rendering statements of the other victims filled them with agony. Kelly wondered if that made him a coward but he didn’t care, he couldn’t bear to listen. The jury reached their verdict after only a day, Jackson Fowler was sentenced to ten years in prison, but it wasn’t long enough; then again fifty years wouldn't have been enough. The end of the court case did nothing to end the Severide family’s misery, in fact it intensified their sadness. They felt completely lost as what to do next. They found themselves stumbling through most days barely feeling alive. Things had been incredibly tense since a gigantic argument broke out between Kelly and Lily. It took a lot to make Lily snap or rebel, after Bailey disappeared she’d always felt the need to be perfect and to never cause her parents problems. But there was one thing she wasn’t willing to sacrifice. Swimming had been her way of coping over the years, It was something she could put all of her energy into. When she was competing she could forget about the world around her. But Now her father wanted to take that away from her. Kelly didn’t want her to compete anymore, he didn’t want to risk loosing her too. Stella had tried her best to intervene but nothing she did or said worked. Nobody could really blame Kelly’s panic, it may have been extremely overprotective but after everything it was understandable. But that did nothing to ease Lily’s anger at her father. Which was why she had been spending most of her time with the Casey’s. So Kelly started taking extra shifts and doing anything he could to avoid being at home and Stella had been following suit, after all there was no point in her going home to an empty apartment. They had always believed finding answers would make their loss easier to live with, but ever since discovering the reason Bailey disappeared they’d lost what little happiness they had. Their world had truly fallen into darkness.

-

Once again Bailey was stood in the shower allowing the cascading water to drown his thoughts, this time the water was boiling hot thanks to the recently fixed heater. A stinging sensation spread through him as the water grazed his arms, some of his worst habits had returned over the past few weeks and they’d left their mark. Ever since he saw that monster on the news he’d felt like he was slowly suffocating. Bailey had made a habit over the years of checking the news for Chicago just in case his father’s or Stella’s crew had gotten into any trouble. But he never expected to find out that the monster that destroyed his life was serving fifteen years in prison. The news had sent him plummeting into deep dark place. He now knew going home would never be an option, not now that his family knew the truth. He was filled with guilt and shame for not being the one to send that bastard to prison.

He’d been stumbling through the days but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could carry on. He felt like he was already dead. He could barely recall the previous day, he vaguely remembered turning up to work ; then somebody called him pretty boy, everything after that was a blur. The words had stuck in his mind poisoning every thought he had. He must have walked out in the middle of his shift. He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten home or even if he still had a job. But he didn’t care about any of that anymore, he just wanted to feel clean. No matter how hard he scrubbed at his skin he could never rid himself of that horrible dirty feeling.  
“Pretty boy, my gorgeous boy” he remembered the blinding pain and feelings of shame that had used ton accompany those words. He wondered if the person from the garage would have called him pretty boy if they knew the truth. If they had seen the burns marring his forearms, the angry cuts littering his thighs, or the way he cried himself to sleep every night would they still think he was pretty. 

There’s was one other thought occupying his mind, crawling around his brain like a spider on a web. What were his parents were thinking right now? He wondered how disgusted they were now they knew what happened. Did they still talk about him or had he been forgotten? Part of him hoped they’d pushed him out of their minds; being forgotten would be better than being hated. He hoped they’d moved on with their lives, he hated the idea that they were suffering because of him. Bailey switched off the water but he found himself unable to move. He should’ve fought back, he should’ve done more but instead he ran away like a coward. If he’d told those other boys wouldn’t have gotten hurt, they wouldn’t be damaged like him. Bailey found himself slumping down into the bath, he pulled his knees towards himself as he urged the hollow feeling in chest to disappear. This happened a lot more often than he cared for admit, he either spent his days crying or sleeping to avoid the sadness consuming him. But tonight was the worst the emptiness had ever felt, he had a feeling this was all his life was ever going to be. He’d never get away from his mistakes no matter how far he ran. His pain would be never ending. He wanted everything to stop. 

Bailey was jolted into consciousnesses by a hand delicately shaking his shoulder and the sound of a gentle voice,  
“Bailey wake up for me”. As the words pierced through the fog clouding Bailey’s mind he tried to move away from the touch but he was paralysed by exhaustion. He sluggishly opened his eyes to see a woman crouching down next to him, Marley. The only person he had. The woman had taken it upon herself to look out for him over the last two years even though he was a lost cause. She was only a few years older than her father and she’d helped him get his job at the garage and find his flat. She’d offered for him to stay in her spare bedroom but that had been too much for Bailey. He helped her once and now she seemed to believe it was her duty to look out for him. She wasn’t the sort of caring person who wanted to help everyone, in fact to outsiders she could often seem harsh and closed off. But for reasons he couldn’t understand she cared about him, he’d become her burden.  
“Look at me Bailey” she urged her voice was warm and gentle, he always found himself marvelling at her ability to remain calm even in an emergency. It was moments like this that she reminded him of Stella, she used to use the same tone when he got sick or injured when he was little. He remembered sitting on the bathroom counter as she placed a brightly coloured plaster on his knee,  
“You’re the bravest person I know” she’d say before planting a kiss on his forehead. Maybe that was why he trusted Marley, why he’d let her help him.  
“Have you taken anything?” he shook his head slightly, he found himself struggling to find the energy to do anything more than that ; he didn’t trust himself speak he doubted anything he said would come out coherently.  
“Promise, took nothing” he mumbled.  
“Please Bailey I won’t be angry but I need to know the truth ”,he understood why she didn’t believe him but he still found himself getting annoyed.  
“Promise didn’t take anything”he muttered. He then pulled his knees even closer towards him as he felt her eyes scrutinising him. He groaned as he realised it was too late to hide the damage he’d recently inflicted on himself. She knew about the things he did to himself but she believed it was in the past. He turned his head away from her, he didn’t feel ready to see the disappointment in her eyes. He had been doing fine for a little while by going on long runs or ringing Marley instead . But on the anniversary of his disappearance he’d found himself falling into a bad place again; finding out about Jackson being sentenced to prison had tipped him over the edge. He hadn’t wanted to tell Marley he’d relapsed, so over the past few months he’d been trying to deal with it by himself.

The thing he hated the most was the worry that shined in her eyes. Instead of saying anything she placed a towel over the side of the bath before disappearing out of the room. Maybe he’d finally gotten too much for her to handle, he’d finally succeeded at pushing her away. A tear slipped down his face as a sob escaped his throat, he was going to spend the rest of his life alone and broken. It was what he deserved.  
“Oh Bailey” he looked up to see Marley holding a pair of fresh clothes, in his numb state he must have neglected to put out a change of clothes before jumping in the shower.  
“You’re really bad at keeping on top of laundry, It took me ages to find these” she chuckled quietly trying to lighten the mood. But he just stared at her numbly not even bothering to grab the towel off the side.  
“I’ll go make us something to eat while you get dressed” she smiled before exiting the bathroom, he guessed it was her way of allowing him to preserve the tiny bit of dignity he had left. 

-

Bailey shuffled into the kitchen keeping his head down, Marley was busy stirring something in a pot. He didn’t have any food in the flat, she must have stopped at the store on her way over.  
“Why do you care?” he croaked, Marley lifted up her head and Bailey found himself squirming under her kind gaze.  
“I love you Bailey, you’re family”,  
“Why?”,She knew everything about him even the ugliest parts of him, how could she possibly love him?  
“You're a good person” , Bailey scoffed as he shook his head in disagreement.  
“If you were my kid I’d want you back Bailey regardless”, the dark haired man gulped at that,  
“But I’m not your kid, my family... they won’t want me back”, he knew how his father felt about people running away. He may have only been six years old when Benny died but he knew that his father had harboured a lot anger against the man when he died. His dad would think he was a coward for leaving just like his grandfather. And there was the all things Bailey had done during in the time he’d been missing. He could imagine how devastated his mother and Stella would be. And then there was Lily she deserved a better brother, someone who could protect her. He wasn’t the same person they loved. Returning would only cause them pain.  
“They’re better off without me”.

-

Bailey did his best to try and persuade Marley to go home but she insisted on staying the night, she wouldn’t even let him take the couch. He always felt guilty whenever she felt the need to stay the night but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t bring him a little bit of comfort. He closed his bedroom door before collapsing onto his bed and burying himself under the covers in an attempt to drown out the shivers running down his spine. Normally he’d jump in the shower again or go out for a walk but he doubted Marley would let him do any of those things. 

Less than five minutes later he found himself throwing off the covers and opening his bedroom drawer. He stared at the metal object poking out of one of his socks before slamming it closed again and reaching for his phone instead. He typed in a number he’d known off by heart since he was ten years old before staring down at the screen his heart pounding in his chest. His home phone number, he wondered if anyone would even answer. It wasn’t the first time he’d found himself in this position in fact it was a weekly occurrence. He contemplated dialling just so he could hear the sound of their voices on the answering machine, but he had no idea what he’d do if they answered. He tossed his phone onto his bedside table before flopping down onto his bed and curling up tightly into a ball.  
“They deserve better”.

-

Marley pressed her ear up against Bailey’s bedroom door, her heart clenched as she listened to the soft sound of Bailey crying. She couldn’t let Bailey carry on like this, the day had been a sobering reminder of how easily she could loose him. It wasn’t until a few months ago that he’d told her how he ended up on the streets, her heart had broken for him and the family he’d left behind. All she had wanted to do was call them, to let the know their son was alive. But against her better judgment she didn’t betray his trust, she didn’t want to risk him running away to somewhere she couldn’t keep an eye on him. However she could now see she’d made the wrong decision, things had been only getting worse for Bailey, he needed his family and she didn’t have a doubt in her mind that they needed him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Things are going to get better I promise.
> 
> Thank you for reading and have a great day.


	6. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley’s hope for Bailey’s future fades away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry this is short. I decided the chapter I was working on actually worked better and felt less rushed if I split it into three.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, thanks for your support.

The next morning Marley headed home as she intended to do what she should’ve done months ago. She needed to find the contact information for Bailey’s family, she needed to get him back to Chicago. She wanted to stay with the young man and keep an eye on him but this was something she couldn’t do in his flat. For starters Bailey had no internet and secondly she didn’t want to risk him finding out yet, she was afraid he’d panic and bolt. As soon as she stepped through her front door Marley wasted no time in grabbing her laptop and quickly searching up Bailey’s parents. In the past when she searched up Bailey’s name she’d found a news article with a number to contact at the end, she’d shown it to Bailey once hoping it would show him how much he was needed back home but he believed once his parents knew the truth they’d change their minds. No amount of convincing would ever change his mind. However this time as she scrolled to the bottom of the page she noticed a number of links to more recent articles from the same area , usually she would have ignored them but one article caught her eye. As she read the headline a jolt of fear went through her body ; she felt almost as if the ground had fallen from underneath her. She held her breath as quickly scanned through the article, there’d be an explosion that had left three firefighters in critical condition and another had died on the scene. The more details she learnt the more her heart began to race, but one line in particular made her heart feel as if it was going to explode “four fighters from station fifty one working on second shift”.  
“Oh god” she cursed as she let the information sink in, if Bailey’s father or step mother passed away she knew he would never forgive himself for not being there, it would truly send the boy over the edge he was already balancing on. Despite the risks she knew she had to tell him the truth, because if things were really bad the boy deserved to know, and if his father was one of the critically injured maybe Bailey would have a chance to say goodbye if things were that bad, he deserved that. She wiped away the tears stinging her eyes, she had to tell him the truth ,Secrets had already destroyed enough of Bailey’s life.

When she returned to his flat it was exactly how she left it, completely silent. Even though it was nearly mid-day she wasn’t surprised that Bailey was still in bed, he’d barely moved over the past twenty four hours. She padded over to his bedroom and gently opened the door. Bailey was in the same position he’d been in all night, curled up under his duvet with his knees hugged tightly to his chest and his head buried under his pillow. She suspected it was the first time in over a week that he had slept for more than three hours in a row.Things had been far from good recently, she knew everything was getting too much for him, this was the most peaceful she’d seen him in a very long time ; she didn’t feel ready to ruin it.   
“Bailey” she whispered as she sat herself down on the edge of the bed. The mattress was extremely lumpy at the bed squeaked as she sat down, she’d tried countless times to persuade him in the past to move in with her or at least swap his bed with the nicer one in her spare bedroom but he’d always insist he was fine. As she looked at the lump in the bed she felt sick at the realisation of just how young he was, when she’d first met him he’d told her he was twenty one. Of course his rough extremist from a while longer the streets had aided his lie, she’d been extremely shocked when she’d found out a few months ago that at the time he’d on,y been eighteen. If she had known back then she definitely would’ve   
“Go away” came a low mumble from the lump in the middle of the bed, any other day she would’ve laughed but currently her whole body was consumed with worry, she had no idea how he would take her news. Hesitantly she tapped his shoulder and attempted to pull the duvet down in an attempt to see him better. But even then He refused to open his eyes. Guilt was rising in his chest as it must have been over a week of struggling to fall asleep he was finally getting some rest and she had to disturb it.   
“Bailey, we need to talk” ,  
“tired”, mumbled Bailey. Any other day she’d probably laugh at release, in a strange way despite being half asleep he seemed more alive than he had in a long time.   
“Please It’s important honey”, with that one sentence Bailey’s entire body froze just like she expected it too. She never used nicknames casually, it just wasn’t the sort of person she was. She didn’t regularly call people honey or sweetie, she could count on one hand how many times she’d used those endearments over the last few years, but she needed to say something she knew would grab his attention. Bailey sat himself up before looking right at her, a lump formed in her throat at the worry dancing in his eyes. And the fear in his voice as he spoke felt like a stab in the heart, she didn’t understand how an already devastating situation had gotten worse,  
“What’s going on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Have an awesome day.  
> Spoiler-
> 
> I’m not going to kill off any main characters, I was originally just going to have Marley call Kelly but it felt very similar to a chapter from my other story Sunshine, so I decided to do things a little differently this time. Hope you enjoyed.


	7. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bailey finds himself in an uncomfortable situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the delay, this was a tricky chapter to write, there’s been many many redrafts. However my proof reading isn’t the best, any criticism welcome.
> 
> I hope you enjoy. :)

“What am I going to say?” Whispered Bailey, it was the first thing he’d said since their journey had started five hours prior. His mind was racing with a million different scenarios each one worse than the last. One fatality, there was a high chance it was someone he knew and loved. He knew fifty one’s reputation for having the same crew for years it was what had always set them apart from other houses. With that in mind he doubted that the crew had changed much in the last four years, therefore it was highly likely the fatality was somebody he knew and loved. He couldn’t imagine having to say goodbye to anyone especially his father or Stella. But he wasn’t ready to return home and to see everyone he’d left behind. He wasn’t ready to look them in the eyes and see the disappointment in their eyes. He was lucky in a way, the damage he’d inflicted to himself was hidden under clothes, no one could tell how broken he was by simply looking at him. However it wouldn’t take them long to see the person he’d become. His father would definitely be able to see straight through his facade. He wouldn’t be able to hide behind a mask this time.   
He wasn’t as strong as he was when four years ago. Back then he’d been suppressing everything, ignoring all of his feelings but the moment he left all his emotions had bubbled to the surface and he’d been a mess ever since.

“I don’t know Bailey but I know if you don’t go you'll regret it for the rest of your life” Marley replied softly pulling him out of his thoughts. Bailey nodded minutely, deep down he knew she was right but it didn’t make ease his nerves. He could feel himself shaking there was a horrible pounding in his head and he could feel the bile rising in his throat. He had a feeling that no matter what decision he made he’d end up regretting it eventually. Part of him wanted to head straight back home and do everything he could to forget. But he couldn’t turn his back on his family again, they deserved better. They deserved an apology, he needed his dad to know that he loved him and that there wasn’t anything he could’ve done to fix him.   
“I need them to know I’m sorry”

-

A red truck pulled up in front of the large school building just as a loud bell rang signalling the end of the school day. Matt scrubbed a hand across his face before letting out a long groan, his body ached from spending all day sitting in the horrible plastic chairs at the hospital. He had offered to pick Lily up from school as Kidd had to talk one of the many doctors looking after Kelly. The man had been in and out surgery over the past few days, they’d come so close to losing him. When the young girl came into view Matt plastered a cheerful smile on his face. It certainly had been a rough few days but he needed to remain positive for Lily, it was the least she deserved.   
“Hey kiddo, how are you doing?” he asked as Lily opened climbed into the truck. She didn’t look much better than she had when Matt dropped her off in the morning, there were grey bags under her eyes and her body was stiff with tension. Both Matt and Brett had said she could take the day off but Lily had insisted she needed a distraction.  
“I’m ok but what about dad has anything changed?” Questioned the girl before she even closed the car door. She was understandably eager to know how her father was after all his condition had been extremely fragile. Kelly and a relief firefighter named Thomas had been closest to the blast. Unfortunately Thomas had passed away during the ambulance ride to the hospital. Even though they had only known him for a week while he was covering Tony who was on furlough the man’s death had hit them hard. he had been roughly the same age as Matt and had a little girl at home. The only thing that had kept everyone going was rallying around the Severides as they waited for Kelly to recover.   
“He’s the same as yesterday, still not very responsive but he’s stable. He’s going to be just fine Lily, he’s a fighter” he replied forcing his voice to remain steady. He didn’t know what they’d do if they lost Kelly, they’d already been through so much they couldn’t lose Kelly and not before he got his answers as to what happened to Bailey.   
“How are Cruz and Capp?”. Matt found himself rolling his eyes at the girls question, she’d definitely inherited her parents habit of caring about others more than herself.  
“Cruz was discharged this morning and Capp should be out by Friday”.  
“And mom, how is she coping?”  
“She’s doing ok Lily, but she’s worried about you we all are. There’s a lot going on you don’t have to be strong for everyone”  
“That’s exactly what you’re doing”,  
“I’m not fourteen years old, now come on let’s stop by your apartment to pick up some things and then I’ll take you to see your dad”.

-

Matt pulled up outside Lily’s apartment and followed the girl inside, he was completely oblivious to the strange car parked across the seat and the eyes glued to him. He packed up a few more things for Kelly and Stella while Lily grabbed some more of her clothes, she’d been staying with the Casey’s again while Stella spent her time either at the hospital to quickly showering and sleeping at home.   
“Got everything you need?” Matt asked when Lily re-entered the living room a duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She gave him a small nod and they headed back outside. 

As Matt headed towards his truck his attention he couldn’t shake the feeling he was being watched. He began to push away his suspicions when he heard some one call his name, the voice was deeper than Lily’s but Matt still found himself turning towards the girl. Lily was busy fiddling with her bag she certainly wasn’t the one who called his name. When he heard the voice again he turned around his eyes scanned the street looking for the source. His heart stopped when his eyes landed on a figure standing a few feet away from him. As his eyes studied the person he found himself gaping, his thoughts whirled around his head as he struggled to fully believe his own eyes.   
“Lily go back inside and wait for me” instructed Matt not tearing his eyes away the other person.  
“What?Why?” Questioned Lily confused by her uncle’s instructions.   
“Please Lily, I’ll explain later” he urged in the no nonsense tone he’d inherited from Boden. It was clearly affective as the girl nodded before disappearing out of sight. Matt then proceeded to walk closer towards the young man watching him intently. The younger man’s dark brown hair stuck up messily in different directions, his eyes were red rimmed and puffy a tell tale sign he’d been crying. He was tall his clothes hung off his lanky frame. But his eyes, for four years Matt had dreamt of seeing those same bright blue eyes.   
“Bailey”. 

-  
Bailey stood entirely still as he took in deep breaths. His mind was spinning and his limbs felt as if they were made of concrete. He searched Matt’s face for a hint of anger or disgust but instead he saw nothing but relief and sadness. Suddenly he felt exposed as if the man could straight through him. Apart from Marley he’d never been around anyone who knew what happened, who knew how broken he was. Even then the woman only knew what he wanted her to know, but now he had no control. He felt vulnerable and dirty, if it wasn’t for his need to know if his father and stepmother were ok he would have starting running and he would never have stopped. When Matt stepped closer Bailey forced himself with every ounce of energy he had to open his mouth,  
“Are they -“ his voice tailed off into a sob, he couldn’t bring himself to finish the question, he couldn’t bare to think about a world without his parents. He watched as Matt opened his mouth and Bailey braced himself for bad news.  
“Stella is ok and you’re dad will be too, doctors believe he’ll pull through” informed Matt using the same comforting tone Bailey had heard many times growing up, when his dad had been injured on a call, when there was complications when Lily was born and when he asked him why he’d quit baseball.  
“Ok” gasped Bailey struggling to process Matt’s words. He couldn’t help but notice Matt’s choice of language the doctors believed his dad was going to be ok, many people would have seen that as a good thing but all Bailey heard was that there was still a chance he could lose his father. He looked towards Matt again, the firefighter was wearing an expression of deep sympathy. Bailey could tell from the way the blonde kept his arms pinned to his sides that he was resisting the urge to pull him into a hug. As he stood there absorbing the news the ache in his head returned, Bailey wished he could crawl back into the bed away from the world. Once again he pressed his hands to head willing the thoughts to disappear, as his heart continued to pound in his chest the world around him turned into a blur. When the world came into focus again Bailey found himself sitting down on the side of the pavement his head between his legs. Hot tears rushed down his face as he struggled to catch his breath. This couldn’t be happening, Matt couldn’t be standing in front of him and his dad certainly couldn’t be lying in a hospital bed. This couldn’t be happening.   
“Breathe Bailey, breathe” a soft voice pierced through his panic. He felt someone sitting beside him, close enough that he could hear the faint sound of them breathing but far away enough that he their arms didn’t touch. Without lifting his head he could tell it was Marley she’d done this time and time before, she knew not to touch him but to simply sit and wait it out with him. 

As his breathing became steady once again his mind became clearer he forced himself to look up, he was aware that tears were still streaming down his face but it didn’t matter now. It was too late Matt had seen him break down, he knew he was messed up he just didn’t know how badly. The man was watching silently a deep frown on his face. He hated that look. Bailey needed to see his father, but he wasn’t ready for more people to send him pitying looks like the one Matt was wearing. He hated feeling seen , he’d become used to being a ghost. Back home he was the sort of person no one would spend a second thinking about, he was the person you smiled at when you passed them in the streets but forgot about as soon as you turned a corner. The only one who had cared about him was Marley.

“Can I see him?” Bailey croaked out after a few seconds surprising himself. He wasn’t ready but he guessed he never would be.   
“Yeah of course, we’ve all missed you. We all care about you”. Bailey bit back his retort and nodded slowly. He had finally stopped crying, hr felt completely drained, he needed this nightmare to end. He wanted to go back home where nobody knew how damaged he truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to rush into reuniting Bailey with Kelly but after the long time to update I thought you deserved a reunion of some sort.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading


	8. Hospital visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running away was one of the hardest things Bailey ever did but it turned out returning was a million times more difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the huge delay. I had a chapter ready last week but I really hated it. I love writing this story this chapter was just so hard since it was so important. I’m still not 100% sure about this chapter but I didn’t want to keep you waiting any longer. I also rushed proofreading sorry. That being said I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> Content warning- Implied panic attack at the end.

“Are you sure?” The woman’s words were full of fear but Bailey had a made up his mind.  
“I need to do this alone” he insisted before pulling Marley into a hug. They were stood in the cold hospital car park, a few feet away from the building where he’d finally be reunited with his family. His heart was beating violently in his chest but he forced a weak smile. He wasn’t going to break down again once was enough, he wasn’t going to let them see how much he was hurting. Before he pulled away Marley whispered something softly into his ear,  
“Remember Bailey he’s your dad, he loves you”. Unfortunately Marley’s reassurances did nothing to ease the fear cascading through his body. Bailey wasn’t sure how he would look his dad in the eye. Bailey had walked out, he’d abandoned his family and he wasn’t sure his father would ever forgive him for that. And then there was the reason why he’d left, he wondered if his Dad was angry at him for not fighting back. Surely his father would see him as a coward.  
“I better go” stammered Bailey before heading towards Matt who was patiently waiting by the entrance. They’d barely spoken to each other during the car journey. Fortunately Marley had spent the time asking Matt all the questions Bailey was too afraid to ask himself.

Wordlessly Bailey followed Matt through the chaotic halls of the hospital, his stomach was tossing at the loud sounds of beeping machinery and the strong scent of soap. The last time he’d been in a hospital had been far from a great experience but the young man couldn’t afford to think about that. He had to stay strong. He fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket as he forced himself to focus on Matt who was a few steps ahead. Finally the blonde came to a halt in a quieter part of the hospital. He watched as Matt’s hand hovered over the door handle. When Matt furrowed his brow he could tell the man was thinking the same thing he was , Bailey just walking in probably wasn’t the best idea. For starters they didn’t know what condition Kelly would be in. Secondly walking straight in as if the last four years hadn’t happened didn’t feel right. As the blondes eyes swept over him he could sense Matt’s reluctance to let him out of his sight.  
“I can wait out here for a few minutes, I’m not going to run off” he laughed shocking himself as well as Matt. The man swiftly recovered from his shock ; he nodded before disappearing into his Father’s room. 

Letting his curiosity get the better of him Bailey pressed his ear lightly against the door, his breath caught in his throat at the sound of Stella’s voice. He’d missed her. She was his mother in everything except blood. The woman’s voice was weighed down by tiredness but the familiar voice filled his heart with warmth and for a brief second he forgot he’d ever left. He listened intently as she informed Matt of his fathers condition, apparently he’d been awake through out the day each time his awareness growing. Bailey wasn’t sure whether to be relived by that or not, he couldn’t help but wonder if their reunion would be easier if his dad was only semiconscious. Eventually the conversation turned onto Matt as Stella questioned why Matt had returned after already spending all morning with Kelly. Nothing did get past Stella. Bailey listened in disbelief as the man stuttered. He had never heard Casey lost for words before. Matt may not have been a big talker but when it came to offering comfort to others he’d always known exactly what to say. Bailey couldn’t blame Matt for still being in shock, after all he’d been missing for four years it was understandably going to take awhile to process the fact he was alive. But Matt’s loss for words was a reminder that Bailey wasn’t the only finding everything difficult. As he thought about the further harm him reappearing would do he had the sudden urge to run. His body was shaking and his heart was pounding in his chest, he couldn’t do this. His eyes wandered to the nearby door, he mentally scalded himself as he reminded himself of his promise to Matt, he wasn’t going to run away this time. He forced himself to focus on the conversation coming from inside his fathers hospital room.  
“He uh he just turned up outside the apartment”.  
“Who?”  
“Bailey!”. The conversation went dead and Bailey wanted nothing more than to hear Matt’s stuttering again. He leaned his head against the door taking a deep breath. Bailey wasn’t sure when he made his decision but before he knew it he was standing in front of Stella. Like Matt she looked a little older but other than that nothing had changed. Bailey could feel a lump forming in his throat. Stella still hadn’t moved or uttered a single word. Was she waiting for him to say something? His mind was bursting with a million thoughts whizzing around his head. He moved his eyes to the figure laying in the bed, he’d never seen his Dad so fragile before. Staring at the tubes and wires connected to the man made his blood run cold.  
“He’s going to be ok Bailey”, his head snapped up to see Stella looking at him with a small reassuring smile playing on her lips. He watched with a pang of sadness as she crossed her arms over her chest, he knew that she was trying to resist pulling him into a hug like Matt had when he saw him. She never would’ve hesitated to hug him before he left. He knew she was giving him space but it was simply another reminder that things were different now. Surprising himself again Bailey found himself stepping forward and much to his relief she took his cue and wrapped her arms around him.  
“Stella I-”  
“Shhh Bailey it’s ok, shh”. The pain in his chest eased and his mind went silent. He hadn’t been this close to anyone except Marley since he ran away. Once they broke apart Bailey frowned at the tear tracks on Stella’s face. He never wanted to make her cry. 

A few moments later Bailey found himself being guided into one of the uncomfortable chairs. Instantly Bailey reached out his shaky hand and held his Fathers hand in his own being careful to avoid the iv. He studied his fathers face intently as if it was about to disappear any second. When he’d allowed himself to imagine seeing his father again he’d never envisioned they would be stuck in a hospital. There was no way to escape the reality of where they were. The faint sound of monitors beeping made his skin crawl.  
“He wouldn’t want me to see him like this”, Bailey struggled to keep his voice steady. He could feel Stella’s eyes fixed on him she’d been watching him as intently as he’d been watching his Dad, It was just the two of them, Matt had left the room a few moments ago to give them some space. Bailey suspected Casey had really left so he could talk to Marley on his own. But Bailey had no reason to worry he knew the woman wouldn’t say anything he was uncomfortable with.  
“He would just be happy your here”. Bailey resisted the urge to disagree and focused on the calloused hand in his.  
“I saw Lily she looks a lot like you, she’s really grown up. I guess four years will do that” the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. There were too many emotions washing over him, he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. He ran away he didn’t have the right to be sad about the things he’d missed. He pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead in an attempt to push down his feelings, he wasn’t going to let himself break. 

As time went by Stella’s silence became suffocating. He wanted her to say something, anything at all. He wanted her to yell at him, he needed to hear her voice again. His head was spinning and his chest was becoming tighter. With his free hand he subconsciously fiddled with his sleeve the movement giving his mind something else to think about. His other hand still hadn’t let go of his fathers hand, an irrational part of him was afraid if he loosened his grip his Dad would slip away.  
“I wanted to come back sooner”. His words hung in the air and he watched as Stella but her lip. He could hear the question playing on her mind, then why didn’t he come back? It wasn’t a simple answer, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to explain how broken his mind was. He supposed he wouldn’t he need to explain, she’d see it soon they all would.

“Bailey”. His heart dropped, the voice certainly didn’t belong to Stella, it was gravely and quiet from disuse. A weak squeeze of his hand confirmed exactly who the voice belonged to. Hesitantly Bailey forced himself to look up despite his head suddenly feeling as heavy as an anvil. His eyes locked with his fathers, the shock in the older man eyes sent more guilt surging through Bailey. He made a mistake he should’ve stayed away. Bailey pushed himself to his feet ignoring the sound of his heart beating in his ears. Frantically he attempted to reach the door despite the world starting to spin. As the world around him became a blur Bailey made one last feeble attempt to escape. He forced his body forward but instead of reaching the doorway his body collided with something hard sending a sharp pain shot through his body. He was vaguely aware of someone calling his name but the voice quickly faded along with the rest of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t forgotten about Lily. She’s being looked after but I couldn’t get that into this chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. Have a good day, thank you so much for reading.  
> Fingers crossed see you in the next chapter soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Tw- mentions of suicide attempt, drug misuse, missing people, sexual abuse.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. Have a good day.
> 
> Any advice greatly appreciated.


End file.
